The End of a Journal

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September 15, 2012 by Angel Pricer

The real spiritual sojourners-the ones who touch the edges of life as well as the center-are people who risk, who let go.” ~ Sue Monk Kidd, When the Heart Waits

IMG_2983Journaling is an act that has come to mean many things to me, a real relationship with myself and God unfolding chief among the themes that pour out upon the pages.  I make no apologies for traversing the heights and depths of life through my emotions and, as I read Sue Monk Kidd’s When the Heart Waits, it brings a sense of solace to see that same quality in other writers reflected in their work.

Upon approaching the end of a journal I usually feel a sense of mourning tempered by a growing excitement at the prospect of a new beginning.  My journals become a part of me and when I reach the end of one, often there is a part of me that dies in the fires of transformation, giving way for a cycle of new life to commence.  It is thrilling to me that this journal finds it’s ending as the crisp, cool mornings of my favorite season of the year begins to emerge.

Sometimes, as with this most recent journal, I will start in one and leave it be for a while, my interest captured by some other new friend with a toothier paper or brilliant cover.  I started my “Curiouser & Curiouser” journal in February, 2011, during a time of great emotional upheaval and separation in my life.  For twenty or so pages, I vacillated between creating a new life for myself based on a book I had been reading (but never finished) about how to make money doing what you love, and submitting to God’s will.

I’ve come to realize that whenever I am trying to make something happen, especially according to someone else’s plan (and some are really great plans!), I’m turning away from the plans that God has for me.  I’ve also come to accept that this is how I learn and perhaps we all do.  There’s nothing wrong with learning from those who are allowing God’s plan to unfold through them, let’s just not mistake theirs in toto for the unfolding of our own.

Resurrecting this journal from the basket of many I found while creating a newly dedicated writing space over the summer, I made this dedication:

Blessed by the Goddess, this work of  divine feminine and divine masculine in ONE journey at ONE point in remembrance.

This simple statement reminds me of the innate pull within me to balance and honor the journey of remembering who I Am ~ all aspects of my self ~ as they are revealed in each moment, as they unfold in this life that I have been given.

I suppose I’m what Sue Monk Kidd would call a “real spiritual sojourner,” as my life demands a willingness to risk it all, to let go completely, again and again, to traverse the highs and lows and all points in between, being born again and again into this world.  Journals and God are my trusted companions in this journey.

How would you describe your relationship with your journal?
How do you feel when one ends and a new one begins?

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